Diary of a Plague Year

by Eliot Wilder

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about

We think we're at our peak
We look at how high we can reach
But like Sisyphus
We go a-tumbling down
We go to church
And we pray for our souls to be saved
The water's rising
And we're scared we'll drown
Can you see Him
God is sleeping

credits

released October 28, 2016

Thanks to Karen S. Langlie for the cover art.

"Don't Listen to Me": words by Leonard Cohen

Check out the 20th anniversary edition of DJ Shadow's "Endtroducing," for which I wrote the liner notes: djshadow.com

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Eliot Wilder Boston, Massachusetts

D'où venons nous / que sommes nous / où allons nous.

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Track Name: Don't Listen to Me
Listen to the hummingbird
Whose wings you cannot see
Listen to the hummingbird
Don't listen to me

Listen to the butterfly
Whose days but number three
Listen to the butterfly
Don't listen to me

Listen to the mind of God
Which doesn't need to be
Listen to the mind of God
Don't listen to me

Listen to the hummingbird
Listen to the butterfly
Listen to the mind of God
Don't listen to me
Track Name: November State of Mind
Hi, hello
How you been
You've been on my mind
How's your health
How's your kid, yeah
You still in the same old grind
Years have gone
They've flown right quick
Can't keep track of days
Do you think of me
Like I think of you
In no two ways

All the leaves are brown
And the skies are gray
November state of mind
Is just a dream away

Hey, what's up
Been meaning to call
Been busy with the same old shit
Sorry excuse
Forgive my bad
I am no hypocrite
Years are gone
Young no more
The end has come to view
Pull the brakes
Screech and squeal
I am out of true
Track Name: Can't Wait to See You Fail
Your life is pretty great
At least that's what you say
Got all of your ducks lined up in a row
Got a big old job
Got a big old wife
It's a big old reality show

Can't wait to see you fail, yeah
Can't wait to see you fail
Can't wait to see you fail, yeah, yeah

Your life is pretty great
Got a lot of worldly things
It's hard for you to keep track
But all your money
And all your stuff
They won't ever love you back

Your life is pretty great
At least that's how it looks
But looks can be so deceiving
You will go down
And when you finally crash
There won't be no one
No one grieving
Track Name: In My Wheelhouse
I may not be all that smart
I may not be all that dreamy
I may not be a whole lotta lotta
You may not ever see me

But I can do one or two things
And I do them well
I can tell you where they dwell
In my wheelhouse

I may not be all that cool
I may not be eloquent
I may not know which fork to use
Or how long wine should ferment

But I can do one or two things
And they can't be denied
Let me tell you where they hide
In my wheelhouse

There is a place where I can go
Where I am held in high esteem
There is a place where I can go
I am emperor of ice cream

I may not be all that loved
I may not be loved at all
I may not have a Twitter account
I may not know the protocol

But I can do one or two things
And they can stand the test
Let me tell you where they rest
In my wheelhouse
Track Name: All for Nothing
We been around
For what seems like a million years
And look at how far
We have not come
We love to tell ourselves
We are the smartest creatures of them all
But the facts are
We are oh so dumb
Can you hear Him
God is laughing

The world spins round and round and round
And we heed the call of an ancient sound
All for nothing, all for nothing
We build our cities from the sand to the sky
We live out our lives and then we die
All for nothing, all for nothing

We make our plans
And we are think we are in control
But they slip away
Every one
We work our jobs
And we buy ourselves a house in the 'burbs
We think we live the dream
But there are none
Can you hear Him
God is weeping

We think we're at our peak
We look at how high we can reach
But like Sisyphus
We go a-tumbling down
We go to church
And we pray for our souls to be saved
The water's rising
And we're scared we'll drown
Can you see Him
God is sleeping
Track Name: Sugar Me
You are good
Really good
You're the best that I've ever known
You turn me on
Just like a light
You put the blood back in my bone
I wanna taste
Gimme a lick
You're vanilla, chocolate and strawberry
Don't you tease me
Just please please me
Let's get it together and make merry

Sugar me, sugar me
Pour on your sweet, sweet lovin'
As sweet, as sweet as cherry wine
Sugar me, sugar me
Pour on your sweet, sweet lovin'
Your love, your love it is so fine

You are good
Really good
You are best served off the vine
You make me laugh
You make me hungry
Whenever we go out to dine
I wanna taste
Gimme a bite
I do swear that I won't eat you up
Don't hold out
Don't hold back
Let me drink from your loving cup

You are good
Really good
You're the best that I've ever had
You make me high
Give me a buzz
You make me happy when I get mad
I want a pinch
I want a sliver
Don't you be so freakin' selfish with me
I ain't so bad
I ain't so wretched
You could do worse anatomically
Track Name: Jackson
Came back to our house
But no one was there
All the windows were broke
And a note was on the chair
"I love you too much
You love me too little
You have your calling
And I play second fiddle"

Going down to Jackson
Jackson town
I'm going down to Jackson
Jackson town
See you around

I screamed at your picture
But it didn't respond
Perhaps I was hoping to hear
From the great beyond
I cried my eyes out
Then I made me a plan
I'd go down to Jackson
And I would be your lovin' man

Let me prove that I can change
All of my selfish ways
Let me prove that I want to be
With you all our days

Went on down to Jackson
That very afternoon
Though I feared you might say
It was a little too soon
But when I arrived
There was no hide nor hair
It was like you had vanished
Right into the thinnest of air
Track Name: What's Possible
I like to think about you
For all the good that it will do
Funny how I cannot stop myself
From thinking thoughts about you
I think about your laughter
And the pensive look in your eyes
I think about your cashmere socks
And your preference for sunny skies
I think about your silly grin
And how it makes me glad
I think about how I'll never have you
And that part makes me sad

What's possible and what is not

I like to think about you
And how I wish you were my wife
Just the other day you talked about Rilke
And the need to change your life
You know how to push my buttons
Both the pleasure and the pain
I think about making love to you
And that drives me straight to insane
Some things just don't happen
Some people aren't meant to be
When I think about what's possible
It's just so much vanity
Track Name: Kicked in the Butt by Love
I was a baby boy
In a big boy's world
Didn't know my left from right
When it came to a girl
I was always trip, trip, tripping
Always playing the fool
Didn't know what I was doing
Didn't know any rule

Girls they always laughed at me
But I never seemed to know it
And when I finally wised on up
I tried to never ever show it

Well I stood by and I took my licks
I never bothered to shove
I got kicked
Kicked in the butt by love

I was a baby boy
In a big boy's town
When it came to loving a girl
Didn't know my up from down
I always said something kinda lame
I always sounded dumb
I was just about as subtle
As a big bass drum

Girls they always gave me grief
And I didn't get why
Didn't get why I bugged them so
Like a tsetse fly

I was a baby boy
At a big boy's table
Didn't know which fork to use
Didn't know nothing, Mable
Thought I could fake my way
But I lacked finesse
Wound up in a no man's land
But I digress

Girls they seemed pretty foreign to me
Never got the hang
Whenever I endeavored to make a move
It was all sturm and drang
Track Name: Guilty As Charged
Here I am
Guilty as charged
I'm the one
The one you want to hate
Yeah, here I am
Guilty as charged
Lock me away
Lock me away

I stand alone
I stand apart
I am not connected
To your heart
I would like to state
The nature of my case
I would like stare
My accuser in the face

I stand for alone
I stand outside
There is no place
For me to hide
I have my dream
And you are there
And you are my essence
You are my prayer